Are Lobsters Ambidextrous? Read online

  Books by David Feldman

  Credits

  Cover

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  Preface

  Are you thinking of buying this book? If so, take this simple quiz about food and nutrition. In each category, which question concerns you most, A or B?

  Vitamins. A) Does a well-balanced diet provide one with sufficient vitamins, or should one take a supplement? B) Why is there no Betty Rubble character in Flintstones multivitamins?

  Poultry. A) Are free-range chickens superior nutritionally to conventionally raised chickens? B) Has anyone ever seen a live Cornish game hen?

  Seafood. A) Are lobsters as high in cholesterol as beef? B) Are lobsters ambidextrous?

  Decaffeinated Coffee. A) Is there anything dangerous about the decaffeination process? B) Why do decaf pots in restaurants have orange rims?

  If you answered A to three or more of the four questions, you are a normal, well-adjusted person, concerned about the important issues of our day. We’re proud of you. Buy another book.

  But if you are a B-type person, who lies awake wondering why, if moths are attracted to light, they don’t fly toward the sun, you have found your spiritual home in this book. Imponderables are the little mysteries of life that drive you nuts until you find out their solution. That’s precisely what we’re trying to do (solve the mysteries, not drive you nuts).

  This, our sixth Imponderables book, is a collaboration between our readers and us. Most of the Imponderables in this book came as suggestions from readers. In the Frustables section, our readers take a crack at answering Imponderables that have stumped us. In the Letters section, readers take a crack at our heads, enumerating our imperfections.

  As a gesture of our appreciation, we offer an acknowledgment and a free, autographed copy of our next book to the first person who sends in an Imponderable or the best solution to a Frustable we use.

  The last page of the book tells you how you can contribute to the enterprise. But for now, sit back and enjoy. There will be no more quizzes.

  Are lobsters ambidextrous?

  Have you ever noticed, while digging into a lobster, that one claw is significantly larger than the other, as if one claw was pumping iron and taking steroids, while the other claw was used only for riffling the pages of library books? The large claw is called the “crusher” and the smaller one the “cutter” (terms that sound like the members of a new tag team in the World Wrestling Federation). The crusher has broader and bigger teeth but moves relatively slowly. The cutter has tiny, serrated teeth and moves swiftly.

  The two claws do not start out distinctly different. Lobsters shed their shells more often than Cher has plastic surgery—they undergo three molts in the larval stage alone. When lobsters are first hatched, the two claws look identical, but with each successive stage in their development, the differences become more pronounced. It isn’t until their fifth molt, and second postlarval molt, that the two claws are truly differentiated.

  As you may have guessed, the crusher claw is important for the defense of lobsters against predators, and the cutter particularly useful in eating. Claws of lobsters are often torn off in accidents and in fights. Although there are some differences among species of lobsters, most lobsters will regenerate severed claws.

  Most bizarre of all, if the remaining claw of an injured lobster is a cutter, many species with “plastic dimorphism” will change the function of that claw from cutter to crusher, presumably because the crusher is more essential for survival. The next regenerated claw of that lobster is capable itself of shifting to the cutter function, so that the positions of the two claws are reversed.

  According to Darryl Felder, chairman of the University of Louisiana, Lafayette, biology department, lobsters are not always right-or left-“handed.” The crusher may be on the right or left side of a lobster.

  The ultimate answer to this Imponderable depends upon how you define ambidextrous. Certainly, lobsters can use either cheliped (the scientific name for claw) with equal ease. Although their regenerative powers give lobsters a certain flexibility, the versatility of each claw is not as great as that of a switch hitter in baseball, who can swing the bat equally well from both sides, or the pickpocket who can pilfer skillfully with either hand.

  Submitted by Danny Kotok of New York, New York.

  Why is there no Betty Rubble character in Flintstones Multivitamins?

  For reasons too unfathomable for even us to delve into, we are thrown this question periodically on radio phone-in shows but have never received it in a letter. Perhaps no one wants to take credit for asking this Imponderable. One radio host said that he had investigated the matter, and found that for technical reasons, it was difficult to manufacture a realistic Betty facsimile.

  Ah, we wish that were true, but the real story is far sadder, far darker. We heard from William D. Turpin, director of consumer relations for Multivitamins’ manufacturer, Miles, Inc.:

  The current group of Flintstones characters was selected based upon research of the popularity of each character with children. As a result of this research, it was determined that Betty Rubble is not as popular with the majority of the children as the other characters.

  Thus, if you investigate the contents of a Flintstones Multivitamins jar carefully, you’ll find seven different “characters.” As expected, Wilma, Fred, and a lonely Barney are included. Bamm-Bamm, Pebbles, and Dino are there, too, to help round out the nuclear family. But the Flintmobile? Is a car really more popular with children than a fine specimen of womanhood? You’d better believe it.

  Truth be told, Betty was never our favorite character either. In fact, we don’t think she deserved a great catch like Barney. Nevertheless, her lack of charisma is hardly reason enough to break up the family units that helped make the Flintstones a television and multivitamin supplement institution.

  What in the heck is a tumbleweed? Why does it tumble? And how can it reproduce if it doesn’t stay in one place?

  Three Imponderables for the price of one. The first part is easy. The most common form of tumbleweed, the one you see wreaking havoc in movie westerns, is the Russian thistle. But actually the term is applied to any plant that rolls with the wind, drops its seed as it tumbles, and possesses panicles (branched flower clusters) that break off.

  Usually, the stems of tumbleweed dry up and snap away from their roots in late fall, when the seeds are ripe and the leaves dying. Although tumbleweeds cannot walk or fly on their own, they are configured to move with the wind. The above-ground portion of the thistle is shaped like flattened globe, so it can roll more easily than other plants.

  In his March 1991 Scientific American article “Tumbleweed,” James Young points out how tumbleweed has adapted to the arid conditions of the Great Plains. One Russian thistle plant can contain a quarter of a million seeds. Even these impressive amounts of seeds will not reproduce efficiently if dumped all at once. But the flowers, which bloom in the summer, are wedged in the axil between the leaves and the stem, so that their seeds don’t fall out as soon as they are subjected to their first tumbles. In effect, the seeds are dispersed sparingly by the natural equivalent of time-release capsules, assuring wide dissemination.

  Young points out that tumbleweed actually thrives on solitude. If tumbleweed bumps into another plant, or thick, tall grass, it becomes lodged there, and birds and small animals find and eat the seeds:

  Hence, successful germination, establishment of seedlings, and flowering depend on dispersal to sites where competition is minimal: Russian thistle would rather tumble than fight.

  Although songs have romanticized the tumbleweed, do not forget that the last word in “tumbleweed” is “weed.” In fact, if the Russian thistle had been discovered in our country in the 1950s rather than in the 1870s, it probably would have been branded a communist plot. Thistle was a major problem for the cowboys and farmers who first encountered it. Although tumbleweed looks “bushy,” its leaves are spiny a
nd extremely sharp. Horses were often lacerated by running into tumbleweed in fields and pastures, and the leaves punctured the gloves and pants worn by cowboys.

  Tumbleweed has also been a bane to farmers, which explains how tumbleweed spread so fast from the Dakotas down to the Southwest. The seeds of tumbleweed are about the same size as most cereal grains. Farmers had no easy way to separate the thistle seeds from their grains; as “grain” moved through the marketplace, thistle was transported to new “tumbling ground.”

  Today, tumbleweed’s favorite victims are automobiles and the passengers in them. We get into accidents trying to avoid it, trying to outrace it, and from stupid driving mistakes when simply trying to watch tumbleweed tumble.

  Submitted by Plácido García of Albuquerque, New Mexico.

  When a body is laid out at a funeral home, why is the head always on the left side from the viewer’s vantage point?

  Why are so many readers obsessed with this Imponderable? And why are so many of them from Pennsylvania?

  We found no evidence that any religion cares one iota about the direction in which a body is laid out at a viewing. Discussions with many funeral directors confirmed that the arrangement has become a custom not because of religious tradition but because of manufacturing practice.

  Caskets can be divided into two types: half-couches, which have two separate lids, either or both of which can be opened; and full couches, whose lids are one, long unit. Full couches are designed to display the entire body at the viewing; half-couches are intended to show the head and upper torso of the deceased, with the option that, if the second lid is opened, the full body can be displayed.

  The hinges of all caskets allow the lids to be opened only in one direction. When the lids are lifted, they move first up and then back away from the viewers, to allow an unobstructed view for the bereaved. In many viewing rooms, the raised lids rest against a wall during viewing, dictating the direction the casket will be placed in a viewing room.

  According to Howard C. Raether, former executive director and now consultant to the National Funeral Directors Association, the half-couch caskets made in the United States are all manufactured so that “only the left side has an interior and pillow for positioning and viewing the body.” The two sides of the half-couch are also not symmetrical and thus not totally interchangeable. The left side of the half-couch is shorter than the “leg side,” and because it is not normally opened, the bottom of the right side of the casket is usually unfinished. The interiors of full-couch caskets are also designed for the head to be placed on the left side.

  Occasionally, however, a funeral director may need to put the head on the right side of the casket, usually when an injury or disease has disfigured the “wrong” side of the deceased’s face. Since American-made caskets are rarely tapered, it is easy to rearrange the pillows inside the casket and put the deceased in the opposite direction.

  One of our sources, who has worked in the industry for over fifty years and has sense enough to want to remain anonymous, told Imponderables that more families are asking for full-body viewings these days. He singled out Pennsylvania (along with southern New Jersey and parts of Florida and Ohio) for special mention in their preference for full-couch caskets—everywhere else, half-couches predominate.

  What’s with these Pennsylvanians?

  Submitted by Barbara Peters of Norwood, Pennsylvania. Thanks also to Bridget Hahn of Conneaut Lake, Pennsylvania; Carol Haten of Monroeville, Pennsylvania; Earle Heffley of Springfield, Illinois; Sandy Zak of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; and Jason Humble of Starks, Louisiana.

  Has anyone ever seen a live Cornish game hen?

  We’ve seen a few dead Cornish game hens in our time, usually on a plate in front of us—and always when we are ravenously hungry at a formal dinner, surrounded by folks we don’t know. So we feel we have to eat the bird with a knife and fork. Without picking up the dead hen and eating it with our fingers, we are capable of extracting a good two or three mouthfuls’ worth of edible meat before we give up on meeting our protein requirements for the day.

  As you can see, we have more than a little hostility toward these little bitty particles of poultry, so we are going to expose a nasty scandal about Cornish game hens (aka Rock Cornish game hens): They are nothing more than chickens—preadolescent chickens, in fact.

  That’s right. Cornish game hens, despite their highfalutin moniker, are nothing more than immature versions of the same broilers or fryers you buy in the supermarket. A Rock Cornish game hen could theoretically grow up to be a Chicken McNugget. (At least a Chicken McNugget gets eaten.) We have all seen a live “Cornish game hen.”

  Federal regulations define a Rock Cornish game hen or Cornish game hen as

  a young immature chicken (usually 5 to 6 weeks of age) weighting not more than 2 pounds ready-to-cook weight, which was prepared from a Cornish chicken or the progeny of a Cornish chicken crossed with another breed of chicken.

  In practice, most Cornish fowls are crossbred with Plymouth Rock fowls.

  Dr. Roy Brister, director of research and nutrition at Tyson Food, Inc., told Imponderables that all the chicken we eat has the Cornish White Rock as one of its ancestors. Cornish fowl are prized because they are plump, large-breasted, and meaty. Other breeds are too scraggly and are better suited for laying eggs. Most of the Cornish game hens now sold in the United States are actually less than thirty days old and weigh less than one pound after they are cooked.

  According to the USDA’s Agriculture Handbook, Cornish game hens are raised and produced in the same way as broilers. But because they are sold at a smaller weight, the cost per pound to process is higher for the producer and thus for the consumer.

  But let’s face it. It’s a lot easier to get big bucks for a product with a tony name like “Rock Cornish game hen” than it is for “chick” or “baby broiler.” If veal were called “baby cow,” its price would plummet overnight. Dr. Brister speculates that the creation of “Cornish Game Hens” was probably a marketing idea in the first place.

  While we are pursuing our literary equivalent of “A Current Affair,” one more scandal must be unleashed. Not all those Cornish game hens are really hens. Legally, they can be of either sex, although they are usually females, because the males tend to be larger and are raised to be broilers. In fact, if immature chicks get a little chubby and exceed the two-pound maximum weight, they get to live a longer life and are sold as broilers.

  Submitted by an anonymous caller on the Mel Young Show, KFYI-AM, Phoenix, Arizona.

  Why do boxer shorts have straight frontal slits and briefs have complicated “trap doors”?

  All that infrastructure on the briefs is what keeps you from in-decent exposure charges. Even though most briefs and boxers sold in the U.S. are made out of the same material (cotton-polyester blends), briefs are knitted and boxers are woven. The two techniques yield different wear characteristics.

  Boxers are built for comfort and won’t stretch unless elasticized bands are added. But as Janet Rosati of Fruit of the Loom’s Consumer Services told Imponderables, briefs are intended as support garments and are designed to stretch. Without all the reinforcements, or “trap doors,” as our correspondent so elegantly put it, the opening on briefs would tend to gape open at embarrassing and unfortunate times. ’Nuf said?

  Submitted by Josh Gibson of Silver Spring, Maryland.

  Why have auto manufacturers eliminated the side vents from front door windows?

  As Frederick R. Heiler, manager of public relations for Mercedes-Benz of North America, put it, “Vent wings have gone the way of the starter crank handle.” Sure, there are the occasional exceptions, such as the 1988 Mercury, which resurrected this feature. But on the whole, it has now been superseded by the vent setting on air-conditioning systems (the device that propels air onto your shins rather than onto your face).

  Why the change? The main reason, believe it or not, is fuel economy. In order to meet the Environmental Protection Agency’s f
uel requirements, American car manufacturers will change just about anything in order to achieve a better aerodynamic design. Heiler remarks that “designers found they could do without the air turbulence of the extra window post and hardware.” Especially at high speeds, air turbulence, including turbulence caused by leaving the “regular” windows down, lowers fuel economy significantly.

  Representatives at Ford and Chrysler add that since most automobiles now come equipped with air conditioning and flow-through ventilation systems, the need for vent wings has been obviated (thus reducing the flak the companies received for eliminating them). Our cars are now like modern office buildings—often run without windows ever being opened.

  An official at the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, who preferred to remain anonymous, corroborated the above but listed two more reasons why auto manufacturers dumped vent wings: One, a single, bigger plate of glass costs less than a smaller piece with a vent wing; and two, the vent wing was the perfect place for thieves to insert the old coat hanger.

  Submitted by Tom Ferrell of Brooklyn, New York. Thanks also to Ronald C. Semone of Washington, D.C.; H.J. Hassig of Woodland Hills, California; and Richard Nitzel of Daly City, California.