Imponderables Read online

  IMPONDERABLES

  The Solution to the Mysteries of Everyday Life

  DAVID FELDMAN

  Illustrations by Kas Schwan

  For my parents,

  Ray and Fred Feldman—the best

  Foreword

  You are on a diet. Forsaking your beloved bacon and eggs, you settle for Special K and skim milk. Your kid brother chuckles at your martyrdom. “Look,” he points out, reading the nutritional labels of the boxes. “Your Special K has no fewer calories per serving than my Count Chocula.” Your snotty brother is right. How can heavily sugared cereals such as Count Chocula or Cap'n Crunch be no more fattening than “adult” cereals like Total or Special K? Why do Kellogg's Sugar Frosted Flakes both have 110 calories per ounce?

  You are so disgusted with the Special K, you sneak away to the local coffee shop for a real breakfast. The conservative man in the booth across from you orders soup. The waiter brings him a tray of crackers, and the man takes out a saltine package. But after several tries, he still can't open it. Furtively, he looks around the room to see if anyone is watching him. You, having seen Humphrey Bogart movies, evade his glance. You then watch him ferociously tear open the saltine package with his teeth, and you wonder: If we can put a man on the moon, why can't they make packages you can open up with your hands instead of your teeth?

  After polishing off the danish that concludes your greasy breakfast, you head out for work. You are zipping along the turnpike when you suddenly find yourself stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic. You barely move for a half hour. Suddenly, traffic clears. There is no evidence of a traffic accident or a stalled car. You pass no clogged on-ramps or off-ramps or any other explanation for the tie-up. What caused the traffic jam? What caused the traffic to clear?

  There are plenty of books that profess to tell you the meaning of life, but where can you go to find the answers to these little mysteries of modern life, the really important stuff?

  There is only one place, and you've found it—Imponderables.

  Imponderables are questions that cannot be answered by numbers or measurements or standard reference books. They are the kinds of questions that haunt you for hours… until you forget about them before you ever find their solutions. Repressing these knotty Imponderables might be a temporary solution, but you will recall them at the oddest moments, and they can torment you for the rest of your life.

  We're here to help. In fact, we would love to know about any Imponderables that might have bedeviled you. On the last page of this book, you can find out how you can get your mysteries of life answered in the next edition of Imponderables. But for now, settle back and have fun with this batch.

  Contents

  Foreword

  What is the difference between “partly cloudy” and “partly sunny” in a weather report?

  When an elevator is illegally overloaded with passengers, who is criminally responsible?

  You are driving in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the highway. You have barely moved in the last half hour. Then, suddenly, traffic clears. There has been no traffic accident. You pass no clogged on-ramps or off-ramps or any other explanation for the tie-up. What caused the traffic jam? What caused the traffic to clear?

  Why are some pistachios dyed red?

  Why is the color blue associated with baby boys? Why is the color pink associated with baby girls?

  Why is the NBA shot clock 24 seconds?

  Why is butter, rather than margarine, served even in grungy eating establishments?

  On Jeopardy what is the difficulty level of the daily doubles supposed to be?

  Why doesn't a clinical thermometer register room temperature when you take it out of your medicine cabinet?

  Why do Corn Flakes and Sugar Frosted Flakes have the same number of calories per serving?

  Why do pennies and nickels have smooth edges? Why do all other U.S. coins have serrated edges?

  How do they unclog mail chutes in skyscrapers?

  When running into the dugout from his defensive position, why is the first baseman thrown a baseball from the dugout?

  Why is film measured in millimeters rather than inches?

  Why have many movie theaters stopped popping their own popcorn?

  How do the networks sell advertising time when live programs run longer than scheduled?

  Why are U.S. elections held on Tuesday?

  Why do people look up when thinking?

  Why do records spin at 33 1/3, 45, and 78 R.P.M.?

  Why do women wear such uncomfortable shoes?

  Is there any difference between toffee and caramels?

  What's the difference in length between a size-6 shoe and a size-7 shoe? What's the difference in width between a size-A and a size-B shoe?

  Which fruits are in Juicy Fruit chewing gum?

  What is the difference between an Introduction, a Foreword, and a Preface of a book?

  How can amputees feel sensations in limbs that have been severed?

  Why can't you ever buy fresh sardines in a fish market?

  Why do we cry at happy endings?

  Why do White Castle hamburger patties have five holes in them?

  Why aren't there seat belts in buses?

  Why aren't there seat belts in taxicabs?

  Why don't cats like to swim?

  Why does root beer taste flatter than colas?

  Once in a while I hear bells going off in movie theaters. Am I going crazy?

  Why do some shampoos direct the user to apply them once? Why do some shampoos direct the user to repeat the application? Why do some shampoos direct the user to leave the shampoo on the hair for several minutes before rinsing?

  Why is June the most popular month for weddings?

  Why do other people hear our voices differently than we do?

  Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?

  If trailer parks didn't exist, would tornadoes exist?

  Where do they get that awful music for ice skating?

  Why are so many measuring spoons inaccurate?

  Why don't we ever see the money from pay phones being collected?

  Why do yellow lights in Washington, D.C., traffic signals last longer than those in New York City?

  Why does Wendy's have square hamburgers?

  Why do most men part their hair on the left?

  Why, despite the television and radio announcers' assurances that “for the next sixty seconds, we will be conducting a test of the emergency broadcasting system,” does the test take less than sixty seconds?

  Why does chicken always take longer to cook than the recipe specifies?

  Why does unleaded gasoline cost more than leaded gas?

  Why are green olives packed in jars and ripe olives packed in cans?

  Why are typewriter keys in their current configuration?

  Why does an X stand for a kiss?

  Why is saffron ridiculously expensive?

  Why are there so few women pilots on commercial airlines?

  Why do some Baskin-Robbins stores charge 5 cents more for an ice cream cup than for an ice cream cone?

  How do they determine on which corners of intersections to put street-name signs?

  Why does Roger Ebert receive top billing over Gene Siskel on At the Movies? Why did Gene Siskel originally have top billing over Roger Ebert on At the Movies? Why did Roger Ebert receive top billing over Gene Siskel on Sneak Previews?

  Why are there two title pages in most books?

  Why is the right-hand side of a book always odd-numbered?

  Why are there so many irregular sheets? And why are so many fancy-schmancy department stores willing to stock them?

  What is the purpose of the red tear string on Band-Aid brand adhesive bandage packages? Why did Nabisco eliminate
the red tear string on the wrappers of its Saltine two-packs and four-packs?

  Many clothing labels recommend against bleaching, yet many laundry detergents contain bleach. What gives?

  Why do we eat ham at Easter?

  Why is film sold at 12, 20, 24, and 36 exposures?

  When a building is on a corner of an intersection, how do they decide which street's name it will have?

  What does 1/2 at the end of a street address mean?

  Why do wintergreen Life Savers sparkle in the dark when you bite into them?

  Why do labels usually tell you that top-loading washing machines require more detergent than front-loading washing machines?

  What does the “L.S.” next to the signature line on contracts mean?

  What's that funny beep on the radio just before the network news?

  Why are cities warmer than their outlying areas?

  What is the purpose of the little slit in the folds of sugar cube wrappers?

  Why does the word Filipino start with the letter F?

  Why do we itch?

  Why do gas stations use machines to print out the amounts of credit card purchases when other merchants write out the numbers by hand?

  What is the difference between “gourmet” popcorn and “regular” popcorn?

  Why aren't cashews ever sold in their shells?

  Why do the minute hands on school clocks click backward before advancing?

  If only some people are susceptible to hypnosis, how can stage hypnotists confidently ply their trade?

  What causes the holes in Swiss cheese?

  How do they decide which category to put the “Mystery 7” under on The $25,000 Pyramid?

  How was the order of our alphabet determined? Is there any particular reason why A comes before B or that Z is the last letter of the alphabet?

  Why does unsweetened canned grapefruit taste sweeter than fresh grapefruit?

  How can cats see in the dark?

  How do they get white wine from black grapes?

  Why does full service at most gas stations cost much more in proportion to self-service than it did when first introduced? Why does the price differential between self-service and full service vary between the various grades of gasoline at the same service station?

  Why does a thumbs-up gesture mean “okay”?

  Why can't you buy Hellmann's mayonnaise in the West? Why can't you buy Best Foods mayonnaise in the East?

  Why are copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numerals?

  Why don't penguins in the Antarctic get frostbite on their feet?

  Why haven't the fast-food chains been able to create a successful dessert?

  Why is film 8, 16, 35, and 70 millimeters wide?

  What is the purpose of a flat toothpick?

  How can the relative humidity be under 100 percent when it is raining?

  Why aren't there national brands of milk? Why aren't there national brands of fresh meat?

  We have all seen signs saying ALL MAJOR CREDIT CARDS ACCEPTED. What is a minor credit card?

  Why do dinner knives have rounded edges?

  Why is California or New York sparkling wine called champagne and Italian or German sparkling wine not called champagne?

  Why do we tie shoes to the back of newlyweds' cars?

  Why don't professional wine tasters get drunk on the job?

  Why is a mile 5,280 feet?

  Why are milk packages so difficult to open and close?

  How does Kraft get “five ounces of milk in every slice” of American Singles?

  How do the police make crowd estimates?

  Why don't we ever see baby pigeons?

  Why do they sell 40-, 60-, 75-, and 100-watt bulbs?

  Why do women open their mouths when applying mascara?

  Help!

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  By David Feldman

  Credits

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  What is the difference between “partly cloudy” and “partly sunny” in a weather report?

  The expression partly sunny was brought to you by the same folks who brought you comfort station and sanitary engineer. As a technical meteorological term, partly sunny doesn't exist. So while you might assume that a partly sunny sky should be clearer than a partly cloudy one, the two terms signify the same condition. You have merely encountered a weathercaster who prefers to see the glass as half full rather than half empty.

  Actually, most of the meteorological terms that seem vague and arbitrary have precise meanings. The degree of cloudiness is measured by the National Weather Service and described according to the following scales:

  Percentage of Cloud Cover

  Term

  0-30

  clear

  31-70

  partly cloudy

  71-99

  cloudy

  100

  overcast

  Where does “fair” weather fit into this spectrum? Fair weather generally refers to any day with less than a 50 percent cloud cover (thus even some “partly cloudy” days could also be “fair”). But even a cloudy day can be termed fair if the cover consists largely of transparent clouds. On days when a profusion of thin cirrus clouds hangs high in the sky but does not block the sun, it is more descriptive to call it a fair day than a partly cloudy one, since one thick cloud formation can screen more sunshine than many willowy cirrus formations.

  You might also have heard the aviation descriptions of cloud cover used in weather forecasts. Here's what they mean:

  Percentage of Cloud Cover

  Term

  0-9

  clear

  10-50

  scattered clouds

  51-89

  broken sky

  90-99

  cloudy

  100

  overcast

  Not many people know what the weather service means when it forecasts that there is a “chance” of rain. Precipitation probabilities expressed in vague adjectives also have precise meaning:

  Chance of Precipitation

  National Weather Service Term

  0-20%

  no mention of precipitation is made

  21-50%

  “chance” of precipitation

  51-79%

  precipitation “likely”

  80-100%

  will not hedge with adjective:

  “snow,”“rain,” etc.

  How does the National Weather Service determine the daily cloud cover in the space age? Do they send up weather balloons? Satellites? Not quite. They send a meteorologist to the roof of a building in a relatively isolated area (airports are usually used in big cities) and have him or her look up at the sky and make a well-informed but very human guess.