Do Penguins Have Knees? Read online

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  Preface

  You may think you’ve lived a happy life without knowing the answer to why you don’t feel a mosquito while it’s biting you. Or why the address labels on subscription magazines are usually placed upside-down. Or why the bags on oxygen masks in airplanes don’t inflate.

  But you’re not really happy. Face it. In our everyday life, we’re confronted with thousands of mysteries that we cannot solve. So we repress our anxiety (could you imagine a life haunted by the recurring dread of not knowing what function our earlobes serve?). And as those of us who’ve seen Dr. Joyce Brothers on television know, repression isn’t good for you.

  So our quest is to eradicate all of these nagging Imponderables. Luckily, we have the best possible collaborators—our readers.

  Most of the Imponderables posed in this book were submitted by readers of our first four volumes. In our Frustables section, readers wrestle with the ten most frustrating Imponderables that we weren’t able to solve. And in the letters section, readers suggest how our previous efforts may have been ever so slightly less than perfect.

  As a token of our appreciation for your help, we offer a free copy of our next book to the first person who sends in an Imponderable or the best solution to a Frustable we use, along with an acknowledgment.

  The last page of the book tells you how you can join in our campaign to stamp out Imponderability. We can’t guarantee you lifelong happiness if you read Do Penguins Have Knees?, but we can assure you you’ll know why there are peanuts in plain M&Ms.

  Why Don’t You Feel or See a Mosquito Bite Until After It Begins to Itch?

  We would like to think that the reason we don’t feel the mosquito biting us is that Mother Nature is merciful. If we were aware that the mosquito was in the process of sinking its mouth into our flesh, we might panic, especially because a simple mosquito bite takes a lot longer than we suspected.

  A female mosquito doesn’t believe in a casual “slam bam, thank you, ma’am.” On the contrary, mosquitoes will usually rest on all six legs on human skin for at least a minute or so before starting to bite. Mosquitoes are so light and their biting technique so skillful that most humans cannot feel them, even though the insect may be resting on their skin for five minutes or more.

  When the mosquito decides to finally make her move and press her lancets into a nice, juicy capillary, the insertion takes about a minute. She lubricates her mouthparts with her own saliva and proceeds to suck the blood for up to three minutes until her stomach is literally about to burst. She withdraws her lancets in a few seconds and flies off to deposit her eggs, assuring the world that the mosquito will not soon make the endangered species list.

  A few sensitive souls feel a mosquito’s bite immediately. But most of us are aware of itching (or in some cases, pain) only after the mosquito is long gone not because of the bite or the loss of blood but because of the saliva left behind. The mosquito’s saliva acts not only as a lubricant in the biting process but as an anesthetic to the bitee. For most people, the saliva is a blessing, since it allows us to be oblivious to the fact that our blood is being sucked by a loathsome insect. Unfortunately, the saliva contains anticoagulant components that cause allergic reactions in many people. This allergic reaction, not the bite itself, is what causes the little lumps and itchy sensations that make us wonder why mosquitoes exist in this otherwise often wonderful world.

  Submitted by Alesia Richards of Erie, Pennsylvania.

  Why Doesn’t Milk in the Refrigerator Ever Taste As Cold As the Water or Soda in the Refrigerator?

  Actually, milk does get as cold as water or soda. If you are having a particularly boring Saturday night, you might want to stick a thermometer into the liquids to prove this.

  Milk at the same temperature as water or soda just doesn’t taste as cold to us because milk contains fat solids. We perceive solids as less cold than liquids. Taste experts refer to this phenomenon as “mouth feel.”

  If the milk/water/soda test wasn’t exciting enough for you, run a test in your freezer compartment that will demonstrate the same principle. Put a pint of premium high-butterfat ice cream in the freezer along with a pint of low-fat or nonfat frozen yogurt. Consume them. We’ll bet you two to one that the yogurt will taste colder than the ice cream. For the sake of research, we recently performed this experiment with due rigor, and because we wanted to go out of our way to assure the accuracy of the experiment, we conducted the test on many different flavors of ice cream and yogurt. Oh, the sacrifices we make for our readers!

  Submitted by Pat O’Conner of Forest Hills, New York.

  Why Are Address Labels on Subscription Magazines Usually Placed Upside-Down?

  Our usually reliable sources at the United States Postal Service struck out on this Imponderable, but we were rescued by our friends at Neodata Services. Neodata, the largest fulfillment house in the United States, which we profiled in Why Do Dogs Have Wet Noses?, is the company that processes all those subscription forms you send to Boulder, Colorado.

  By luck, we rang up Neodata’s Biff Bilstein when he was in a meeting with sales executives Mark Earley and Rob Farson. The three share over seventy-five years of experience in the magazine business. “So,” we implored, “why are address labels placed upside-down?”

  They conferred and answered as one. Even though the folks at the USPS don’t seem to know it, the labels are placed upside down to accommodate the postal carrier. All magazines are bound on the left-hand side. Our hypothetical postal carrier, being right-handed, naturally picks up a magazine by the spine with his or her right hand to read the address label—the magazine is thus automatically turned upside down. But the label is now “right side up” and easily read by the postal carrier. Nifty, huh?

  Submitted by Geoff Grant of Barrie, Ontario. Thanks also to Beth Jones of West Des Moines, Iowa.

  Why Are There Dents on the Top of Cowboy Hats?

  Of course, not all cowboy hats have dents. How about country and western star George Strait’s? Or Bonanza’s Dan (“Hoss”) Blocker’s?

  Yet the vast majority of cowboy hats do have dents, and no one we spoke to could give us any other explanation than that dents are there “for style.” Ralph Beatty, director of the Western/English Retailers of America, theorizes that early cowboy hats may have acquired dents by wear, and later were intentionally added.

  As one, better-to-be-kept-anonymous, western hat marketer put it, “Let’s face it. Without the dent, you would look like a dork.”

  We wonder if he would have said that to Dan Blocker’s face.

  Submitted by Lisa R. Bell of Atlanta, Georgia.

  Why Do Grocery Coupons State That They Have a “Cash value of 1/100 of 1¢”?

  We receive a lot of questions not only about everyday life but about the questions we get asked. The most frequently asked question about questions: What is your most frequently asked question?

  Imponderables run in cycles. After our first book, Imponderables, was published, “Why are buttons on men’s shirts and jackets arranged differently from those on women’s shirts?” was the most popular question. Then it was “Why is yawning contagious?” Then “Why can’t we tickle ourselves?” The all-time champion, though, is “Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?” We don’t know why people care passionately about this subject, but this is the Imponderable that just will not go away. We’ve discussed the answer in two books, and it is still our second most frequently asked Imponderable.

  But the clear champion now is the Imponderable at hand. More than thirty readers have asked this Imponderable in the last two years, and the irony is that the question was one of the original Imponderables we hoped to answer in our first book.

  We have spoken to scores of officials in the coupon processing, direct marketing, grocery, and marketing science fields, but nobody could pinpoint the exact reason for the custom or for the particular price of 1/100 of one cent. To make matters worse, we
then received a follow-up letter from kathy Pierce, one of the legions who asked us this question:

  I was reading The Straight Dope by Cecil Adams (I’m sorry, I would guess that old Cec’ is your arch enemy, but I have to have something besides my Italian textbook to read in between Imponderables books). Lo and behold, there was my question, right there on page 329.

  Kathy proceeded to cite Adams’s answer, and we noted that “old Cec’,” whom we like to think of as a colleague and pal (at least when there are other people around to hear us think), got just about as far as we had in our research. As usual, he was depressingly accurate.

  He noted that some states have laws equating coupons with trading stamps (e.g., S&H Green Stamps). Since consumers pay for the “free” stamps in the form of higher prices for groceries, the jurisdictions forced stamp issuers to redeem the stamps for a cash value. In order to comply with these state laws, which were actually designed to curb abuses among trading stamp issuers, coupon issuers assigned a cash value that nobody in his or her right mind would bother to collect.

  We make it a policy to try not to repeat questions or answers we’ve seen discussed elsewhere (after all, if we know the answer to a question, it’s not an Imponderable anymore), but since this is such a popular question, and since we have STARTLING NEW INFORMATION, we are pleased to disclose the true story behind the coupon cash value.

  Although some other states treat coupons as scrip, the real driving force behind the practice is the state of Kansas. Ed Dunn, a spokesperson for NCH Promotional Services, told us what prompted these state laws. During the Depression, many stamp issuers would claim that their books of stamps were worth much more than they really were. They would then sell merchandise through catalogs at greatly inflated prices.

  This caused problems. Because both the “cash value” and redemption prices (in stamps) were greatly inflated, honest stamp issuers were at a competitive disadvantage, because their own books of stamps didn’t seem to be worth much in buying power compared to those of others.

  Several states tried to eliminate these injustices by making all books of stamps, and anything of value that might be used to reduce the price of a product, have a common value. Obviously, coupons fell into this category.

  But Kansas enacted by far the most stringent law. Kansas law overrides the terms and conditions of the coupon for residents of the state and, more important for our purposes, says that if no cash value is stated on the coupon, the consumer may cash in the coupon at face value. Obviously, if consumers could take the fifty cents they “save” on their laundry detergent and redeem it for cash, they would. Manufacturers had two choices: make separate coupons for Kansas, or state a cash value on every coupon.

  Do folks really try to redeem coupons for the lofty sum of 1/100 of a cent apiece? Not very often (of course, that’s why the cash value is set so low). Most companies will probably pay the tariff, but the consumer is stuck with postage costs, which far exceed the refund.

  Submitted by Jeff Burger of Phoenix, Arizona. Thanks also to Lisa Lindeberg of Van Nuys, California; Anand S. Raman of Oak Ridge, Tennessee; Larry Doyle of Grand Ledge, Michigan; Jonathan Sabin of Bradenton, Florida; Brian J. Sullivan of Chicago, Illinois; Randy S. Poppert of Willow, Arkansas; Maria Scott of Cincinnati, Ohio; Joe Crandell of Annandale, Virginia; David Grettler of Newark, Delaware; and many others. Special thanks to Kathy Pierce of Boston, Massachusetts.

  How and Why Did 7Up Get Its Name?

  7UP (a.k.a. Seven-Up) was the brainchild of an ex-advertising and merchandising executive, C. L. Grigg. In 1920, Grigg formed the Howdy Company in St. Louis, Missouri, and found success with his first product, Howdy Orange drink.

  Intent upon expanding his empire, Grigg spent several years testing eleven different formulas of lemon-flavored soft drinks. In 1929, he introduced Seven-Up, then a caramel-colored beverage.

  So where did the “7” and “UP” come from? Despite its identification as a lemon-lime drink, 7UP is actually a blend of seven natural flavors. According to Jim Ball, vice-president of corporate communications for Dr Pepper/Seven-Up Companies, Inc., all of the early advertisements for the new drink described a product that was uplifting and featured a logo with a winged 7. Long before any caffeine scares, 7UP was promoted as a tonic for our physical and emotional ills:

  Seven-Up energizes—sets you up—dispels brain cobwebs and muscular fatigue.

  Seven-Up is as pure as mountain snows…

  Fills the mouth [true, but then so does cough syrup]—thrills the taste buds—cools the blood—energizes the muscles—soothes the nerves—and makes your body alive—glad—happy.

  7UP’s advertising has improved and changed markedly over the years, but its name has proved to be durably effective, even if customers don’t have the slightest idea what “Seven-Up” means. Grigg could have chosen much worse. Contemplate sophisticated adults sidling up to a bar and ordering a bourbon and Howdy Lemon-Lime drink.

  Submitted by Richard Showstack of Newport Beach, California. Thanks also to Roya Naini of Olympia, Washington; Brian and Ingrid Aboff of Beavercreek, Ohio; and Jason M. Holzapfel of Gladstone, Missouri.

  Why Do the Back Wheels of Bicycles Click When You Are Coasting or Back Pedaling?

  Has there ever been a child with a bicycle who has not pondered this Imponderable? We got the scoop from Dennis Patterson, director of import purchasing of the Murray Ohio Manufacturing Co.:

  The rear sprocket cluster utilizes a ratchet mechanism that engages during forward pedaling, but allows the rear wheel to rotate independently of the sprocket mechanism. When one ceases to pedal, the wheel overrides the ratchet and the clicking noise is the ratchets falling off the engagement ramp of the hub.

  The ramp is designed to lock engagement if pedaled forward. The ratchet mechanism rides up the reverse slope and falls off the top of the ramp when you are coasting or back pedaling.

  Submitted by Harvey Kleinman and Merrill Perlman of New York, New York.

  Why Do Male Birds Tend to Be More Colorful Than Females? Is There Any Evolutionary Advantage?

  “Sexual dimorphism” is the scientific term used to describe different appearances of male and female members of the same species. Charles Darwin wrestled with this topic in his theory of sexual selection. Darwin argued that some physical attributes of birds evolved solely to act as attractants to the opposite sex. How can you explain the train of the peacock except to say it is the avian equivalent of a Chippendale’s dancer’s outfit? As Kathleen Etchpare, associate editor of the magazine Bird Talk, put it: “As far as an evolutionary advantage goes, the mere number of birds in the world today speaks for itself.”

  Sure, but there are plenty of cockroaches around today, too, and they have managed to perpetuate themselves quite nicely without benefit of colorful males. Many ornithologists believe that the main purpose of sexual dimorphism is to send a visual message to predators. When females are nesting, they are ill-equipped to fend off the attacks of an enemy. Michele Ball, of the National Audubon Society, says that “It behooves the female to be dully colored so that when she sits in the nest she is less conspicuous to predators.”

  Conversely, the bright plumage of many male birds illustrates the principle of “the best offense is a good defense.” Male birds, without the responsibility of nesting, and generally larger in size than their female counterparts, are better suited to stave off predators. The purpose of their bright coloring might be to warn predators that they will not be easy prey; most ornithologists believe that birds are intelligent enough to register the dimorphic patterns of other birds.

  And most animals are as lazy as humans. Given a choice, predators will always choose the easy kill. If a predator can’t find a dully colored female and fears the brightly colored male, perhaps the predator will pick on another species.

  Submitted by Karen Riddick of Dresden, Tennessee.

  What Does the USPS Do with Mail It Can’t Deliver or Return Because of Lack of a Return Address?

 
; If a piece of mail is improperly addressed and does not contain a return address, it is sent to a dead letter office. Dead letter offices are located in New York, Philadelphia, Atlanta, San Francisco, and St. Paul. There a USPS employee will open the envelope. If no clues to the address of the sender or receiver are found inside, and the enclosures are deemed to have “no significant value,” the letter is destroyed immediately.

  Frank Brennan, of the USPS media relations division, explains that if the enclosures are deemed to be of some value, the parties involved will have a temporary reprieve:

  This allows time for inquiries and claims to be filed. After 90 days, all items that have not been claimed are auctioned off to the public. Cash or items of monetary value that are found in the mail are placed into a general fund. If it is not claimed after one year, it is rolled over into a USPS account to be used as the USPS deems necessary.

  And of course we can all count on the USPS making the best possible use of any windfalls that come their way.

  Submitted by Kathryn Rehrig of Arlington, Texas.

  Why Are Baseball Dugouts Built So That They Are Half Below Ground?